This week's "Dear Opus and Roscoe" email comes to us from our friends Victor and Bonnie from Victor Underfoot and Bonnie Tabbycat. Victor writes:
Deer Opus an Roscoe,
My sisfur "Bonnie" an I get a little stinky goodness cat food efurry day, but Mom doesn't gif us the whole can, so sumtimes the food's reely cold an kinda old when she gifs it to us. How can we confince her to give us the whole can at once? If she insists on safin it, do you know anyfing she could do to make it taste good again? Cuz it's not nice to haf stinky goodness turn into stinky badness.
We already tried turnin up our noses an askin fur sum new food, but she don't go fur that.
Dear Bonnie and Victor,
The best solution would be to wait for your humans to leave the house and then help yourself to the remaining can of cat food. Though God gave us cats the gifts of great intelligence, wondrous beauty and acrobatic skills, he did NOT give the gift of thumbs. That means that we are, at times, at the mercy of our less-than-equal humans. The obvious answer is to make so much noise that your humans will eventually give in. The problem with that is it might backfire. When we have had kitchen protests, it usually ended with us being thrown out of the kitchen.
If your humans insist on giving you day-old-cat-food, perhaps you could at least reach a compromise. Have your human mix in some fresh cat food with old the stuff to help liven it up a bit. Something else that might help is to toss the old cat food in the microwave for a few seconds. You know how we cats love our food on the slightly warm side. Do be sure to tell your humans to be careful though, you don't want to get your cute, kitty tongue burned. If they warm your food up, they should stick their finger in it to be sure it isn't hot; just make sure they wash their dirty human hands before touching your precious meal.
If humans understood what it means to be a cat, they would never try to shove day old food onto us. Living with humans isn't always easy, but with a few compromises we can all learn to live together happily.
Best of luck.
Opus and Roscoe
If you would like some advice on how to care for or deal with your humans, please write to Opus and Roscoe at email@example.com. Address emails as "Dear Opus and Roscoe" and then look for their response in their Monday morning advice column.